By Popular Demand

Originally posted on Myspace Tuesday, October 03, 2006 :

OK. I really have to say that this blog is up on a demand basis. A few of you have asked for it and here you go. . .

Grocery Store Etiquette
It seems to me like common sense. I realize that I have been domesticated in a way that some of you from way back find surprising. Even though I may be a little rough around the edges – I have hit my soccer Mom years and I am cool with that. But, I just don't understand why an hour of grocery shopping has to be so damn difficult! I thought I was a domestic queen, but apparently I am a magnet for grocery store drama.

STAY TO THE RIGHT
Traffic moves just like in the street, why is this so confusing to people once they walk inside a store?

PARK OUT OF THE WAY
Do you really need to park your cart in the middle of the aisle (sometimes across the aisle) to look at every package of chips? I know you have been buying the same kind for 4 years. If you have to look at (and touch! what's up with that?) every package then park out of the way. C'MON!

USE THE MANNERS YOUR MAMA TAUGHT YOU
Why are people so damn rude at the store? I do not understand. You got right in my way and just to be polite, I said "excuse me" and you don't even respond at all. Not even a "no problem". Nothing. Usually a few times of this leads to me responding to myself loudly in the middle of the aisle. Something like this (all me talking) "excuse me, sorry." (no response) (me - loudly) "oh, no problem – It was really my fault for standing right in you way and staring at the floor"

MOVE IT
You are standing right in front of what I need. Obviously you are in deep thought about getting your frozen green beans with the shell or not, but it is obvious I need something from right in front of you. Don't you see me hovering behind you?? Please stop ignoring me and move.

STOP TOUCHING EVERYTHING
Why do people have to touch everything? It really grosses me out. Stop it.

NOT SOCIAL HOUR
OK. We know each other and made eye contact so we have to say a quick "hi". I like you well enough, but I probably didn't shower and Michael is at home with all three kids, so this is "Clair Time". I am not feeling social so keep it quick.

THIS IS NOT A BAR
Look, creepy single guy, just because we passed each other four aisles in a row doesn't mean this is destiny.

There is much, much more.




Currently listening: Something Better By Austin Collins