Now this is real.

It took a little effort, but I copied all my old blogs over. Now this is real time. Kinda. I haven't worked all day - whoop! Took the kids to a birthday party, made taco soup and surfed the internet. It was nice. I think I'll go play Wii with my shorties.

Here is a video I found while surfing the web. I like. Especially the way they represent the value of photos:

The Hippies and the Freaks

Originally posted on Myspace Monday, January 26, 2009 :

I took my kids to the park by my house today (Sunday). It’s a little neighborhood park with a climb-o-rama, a couple of swings and a backstop in a field. We’ve been going up there more lately, since Jack loves to be outside and we don’t have much of a yard. Usually, we are the only ones there, but today was different. There was a crowd of roughly fifteen kids hanging out by some grills they obviously brought. As we settled in, with my shorties screaming (and chasing and climbing) and me with my Ipod perching near to watch over, I couldn’t stop from studying them.

I say they were kids, because they were early 20s and I am now 35 (uggh). The scene reminded me so much of my youth. They were dressed in smart thrift store finds and funky layers. A couple of them had handmade musical instruments and they had three dogs running in circles around the group. I kept drifting back to the days of hacky sac at the tennis courts with so many of my A-Town friends or football in the park with Brad, Ricky and some of my Lubbock peeps. To giant stop-and-go soft drinks and good Thai food. To Randall kids and Canyon kids and Einstein’s and Denny’s. To the skate park and the parking lot across from high school. To Tara Holt’s house or my back house.

I continued my unabashed people watching while listening to music. I always have these heightened sentimental moments in connection with music. Citizen Cope was playing and he (Clarence Gatewood) is probably the same age as these “kids”, so it couldn’t have been that (maybe though - d'artagnan's theme). The group drifted over to the backstop and started a game of kickball. A few of them were smoking and chatting – some were really playing. All of the sudden I felt invisible. Like they didn’t realize I was once like them. At first I wanted them to know. “Hey, I was once like you. I didn’t always dress sensible and shout for children to be careful or they might impair their vision by swinging upside down (can you even do that?).” I got over that urge though and I enjoyed my secret identity.

It seems that until today, I always thought I would go back to that. You know, in the back of my mind. That I was just “taking a break” from those things. I realized today that I am in a new phase of my life now. I’m ok with that. Of course I will have cookouts or go to parks and shows with my friends, but it’s not the same.

These memories serve me well. The guy with the shaved head and the army jacket was Brad Hoover for just a second. And the big head of fuzzy red hair and freckled cheeks had Timmy’s profile. The girl in the colorful beanie was so close to Lauren Moore it was uncanny. That one guy wearing baggy long shorts on a cold day could have easily been Justin Able. That smiling-shy chick with the tattoos and black hair was so similar to Becci Brewer. One by one they all reminded me of someone and sometime. I wonder about these people sometimes. Where they are and what they are doing. I even wonder if they wonder about me.

Now I have park adventures with my family and I enjoy these days just like the ones many years ago. I don’t long for those days (how exhausting that would be). It is nice though. It’s nice to have a reminder of my youth.

Currently listening: The Clarence Greenwood Recordings By Citizen Cope

A Family Business

Originally posted on Myspace Monday, November 17, 2008 :

I was listening to Whiskeytown on my way home from an exhausting weekend with all three shorties in the back. That CD (Pneumonia) always makes me contemplative and sentimental.

We are moving the warehouse back to the store, since it is kind of redundant without any other locations. Trying to tighten up until the economy gets a little better. MWD and I have been working on it for days (him even more than me). It is a lot more work than one would think. We have sooo many CDs and "stuff" to get them shipped. We had all three kids up there all weekend and they were really helping us out. Well mostly the "bigs" were. They were actually taking it pretty serious when I told them it was a "family business" and I was proud of them. Jack wanted to help, but other than putting things in the trash (including things that don't go there) he isn't quite there. My babies are growing up (right).

I'm a lucky gal. My little family is exactly what I had always hoped for.

The store is pretty sweet these days too. All my gals are excited about the changes, pitching in and seem happy to be working there. It's a good feeling.

Currently listening: Pneumonia By Whiskeytown

Gone but not forgotten (sensory overload)

Originally posted on myspace Monday, July 14, 2008:

I had a sensory overload moment this weekend. I have pretty heightened senses. Usually I can find a memory in a song (ask Carra). Michael and the kids call me rabbit ears, because I hear every little comment even when I'm in another room. It's impossible not to overhear most conversations in a restaurant. My true super-power is my sense of smell. Each scent seems to take me to a person, place or thing.

This weekend, I bought a pair of boots. My first pair of actual cowgirl boots since I was a youngster. Like most things I pick for myself, the boots are plain. Nothing fancy, just some boots to call my own. As soon as I got in the car I pulled them from the bag and had my "Mary-Catherine" moment. I put the new leather to my nose and huffed at it like a teenager in a drain tunnel.

Immediately I was filled with memories. Memories that were my own, but completely forgotten. I have three paternal Grandfathers. One that I never knew (met once) and he means nothing really to me. My current one, Papa, that I consider my closest Grandfather figure. He has been constant in my life since my early teens and he loves me and really loves my Grandmother. He's a good man that entered the picture with some serious resentment, because he had big shoes to fill. Those shoes were boots and they belonged to my Grandpa Bill. He was the head of our family and he died when I was about 8.

Grandpa Bill married my Grams when she already had 4 kids. He raised them as his own and added two more to the family. All six of those kids still love that man. Obviously he influenced them in ways that lasted for generations. Some kids in our family that were born after he died, speak of him as if they knew him. He grew up in Minnesota and he and Grandma moved the family to Sunday Canyon (outside Amarillo) after Grandma fell in love with the area on a visit in the early 70s. Grandpa built a house, with his own two hands that was amazing. Really it should have been part of his legacy, but it's not in our family anymore.

Until this weekend, I didn't have very many memories of Grandpa Bill that I trusted as real. No memories that I didn't feel were placed there by stories family had told me. Now I do. While smelling the new leather boot, I had a sensory overload! It was like in the movies when your life flashes before your eyes in snapshots and moments. First it was a saddle. My Grandparents had horses. Actually they had their own stable. They also owned a place called Six Gun City outside Palo Duro Canyon. We all had chances to be part of the background of the simulated gunslinger town. There was everything from my cousins and I riding bareback horses around town to our parents participating in gunfights. Good times.

Most of those memories, I will keep to myself, but I have to admit it was great to remember the feel of his enormous hand enveloping my tiny fingers. He was a big man. We are talking more than size here. Grandpa Bill and I had a special bond. My Dad says Grandpa liked that I had such an attitude already at a young age. I don't know what he means though. I don't have an attitude. I do have some pretty cool boots, though.

Grandpa Bill

Grandpa Bill and Grandma (Circa Six Gun City)

Six Gun City Postcard

My Papa this year

No attitude from this Angel. . . My good smellin' boots

Currently listening: Ultimate Waylon Jennings By Waylon Jennings

Life is hard & I yelled at an old man in a wheelchair

Originally posted on Myspace Sunday, June 29, 2008:

I totally wigged out on this guy yesterday and it's been bothering me ever since. He was in a wheelchair and I thought I was having some kind of guilt for that, which isn't normal for me. I worked with "Handicapable" people for almost 4 years and I look at them the same as everyone else. They can be as good of a friend or as big of an asshole as anyone else.

The actual situation is irrelevant, but just to let me rant . . We took the kids to see WALL-E yesterday. It was really packed in the theater. The kids were all very well behaved (unlike some little shit behind us) and seemed to enjoy the movie. Jack drank about 25 of my 32 ounce soda and took full advantage of the pull up he was wearing (gross). I don't usually let him drink soda, but it was keeping him quiet - so I acquiesced. As usual we were the last ones out of the theater - you know we have to pay our respect to the people who made the movie and when that comes to a Pixar movie that's no small commitment. MWD took Noah and I took Jack and Emily. We hit the ladies room and I realized there was no "diaper changing station". So I went out in the hallway and noticed we were going to need to use the "family/handicapped" bathroom which is apparently the only place to change a diaper without laying your kid on the bathroom floor or trying to get him to step out and into a clean pull up. I could write a whole blog on my last movie theater/pull up changing experience from last time. This time I was using a designated area.

While in the process of relieving Jack of his 25 ounces, someone tried the door. Not too weird. The immediate silence led me to believe the person had moved on. A moment later there is a loud bang on the door, three actually. My reaction was just to say "occupied" loud enough for them to hear. Immediately I heard this nasty creature shout "well, I'm in a wheelchair, so get the HELL out of there." I put hell in all caps because he YELLED it. My first thought was guilt. Then all the sudden I realized that I hadn't done anything wrong. I was changing my kid in the designated area and the guy was cussing at me in front of my kids. "I'm changing a diaper, this is the only place, I will be right out" that was my only response. I put Jack back together & washed our hands as quick as I could. The whole time I can hear this guy mumbling about people using the handicapped bathroom and he is in a wheelchair and it is bullshit and on and on. At this point I was furious.

I flung the door open to this small man with a giant beard and no legs. He was kind of dirty and had this almost stereotypical look of a war veteran, military cap and all. He also had a giant thug in a poorly chosen red shirt standing behind his wheelchair looking like a bouncer for Red Robin. I looked the nasty little man directly in the eye and yelled at him. OK. I didn't yell, but I raised my voice and told him this was the only place for me to change a diaper and that I thought his cussing at me (in front of my children or not) was unnecessary and rude. His only response was even louder "well I'm in a wheelchair, so I have to use that damn bathroom." I was getting nowhere (except more pissed) so I stormed off and waited for Michael.

The whole thing only took place in a couple of minutes, but I was so angry. I couldn't figure out if I just felt sorry for him (for being such a hateful nasty person, not being in a wheelchair) or angry at him for taking his frustrations out on me. Then I came to a place where realized that I should be thankful for what I have: my health, my family, my LEGS. But, by the time I went to bed I decided "f**k that." The guy was just a jerk.

The moral of the story?
Life is hard for everyone. It's what you make of it. There are days when my life is easy and days when it is hard. All of those days are a result of choices I have made. When something bad happens to you regardless of the scale, you get to choose how you handle it. I know people who have (or had) major health issues and are the most positive people in the world (Bunny & Chad for example). They didn't choose to have the problems, but they did decide how they were going to handle it. So again - f**k that. The guy was just a prick.

Currently listening: Nothing’s Shocking By Jane’s Addiction

My Kid Rocks - Part I

Oringinally posted on myspace Monday, January 21, 2008:

Let me tell you about my evening. . .
It actually started at the grocery store. For weeks (maybe a couple months) Noah has been begging me (really) to buy some octopus for him to try. Of course my first thought is to blow him off, he would never like it and on and on. Well, he wore me down and I have to admit I was a little impressed that he would dare to try something so out of the ordinary. I bought a freaking octopus. For Noah and only Noah. I mean really - whose kids tries octopus? My kids rocks.

Here we are cooking it. . .

Freaky looking, huh? It took a long time - boil it forever then saute it. Over an hour later. . .

I could barely eat my dinner (chicken and broccoli) thinking about it.

He gave it a thumbs up initially. Then he coped to the fact that it was really chewy - this is what I hear from anyone who has tried it (including MWD). He ate the majority of it though! Wow!

He even inspired Jack to try a bite (picky eater). He said he liked it, but he did not want anymore.

Currently listening: Stevie Wonder - The Definitive Collection By Stevie Wonder

Positive Things

Originally posted on Myspace Tuesday, September 18, 2007 :

My goal is to become more positive. Here is my start. . .

10 positive things

About my husband
1. He makes me laugh every single day, sometimes even when I'm mad.
2. He asked me slow dance to George Michael last night, during the newsletter. We did.
3. He is a fun Daddy - did your Dad ever paint his team's name on your belly?
4. He finds a way to tell me I am pretty almost every day.
5. He is smart, but don't tell him I said that.
6. He is sexy and handsome (you can tell him I said that).
7. He has his own cowbell and it has a purpose.
8. He always drives.
9. He respects my AUTHOR-IT-EYE.
10. He does the dishes (usually).

About my kids
1. They are so freakin' cute. I mean really pretty/handsome children.
2. They like to play while listening to movie soundtracks (it is funny).
3. Yesterday they asked me "what did you learn today?"
4. Jack says "OH MY GOD!"
5. They like to go on walks with me.
6. They tell me I'm a good cook. And they like to cook with me.
7. They invent things (scary things).
8. They love each other.
9. They make us say a prayer before dinner.
10. They are my excuse to watch movies with talking animals.

About my job
1. Are you kidding? I work at a record store. In the most beautiful town in Texas.
2. I meet the coolest, most interesting people. Sometimes they play music at my store. Billy Joe Shaver!
3. I learn about new good music EVERYDAY!
4. I now work on a Magazine (journalism - full circle).
5. I work with the funnest, craziest people.
6. Walt Wilkins is mandatory meeting night. BEAT THAT!
7. I have a personal assistant (think Karen Walker).
8. I help indie peeps get their start.
9. I work with my husband.
10. I can arrange my schedule to work for my family life.

Currently listening: The Californian By Bob Schneider

Leopard Skin Pants

Originally posted on Myspace Friday, November 10, 2006:

So - I have had a few drinks.I am going to ramble and there is a good chance I will delete this in the AM. We went to see Ryan Bingham tonight at Gruene Hall. Yes, people I did get a babysitter twice in a week - woo-hoo. It was amazing.

Do you guys know that Michael has an amazing ability to notice talent? Seriously it goes way back. When he says someone has it, they do. A few weeks ago (maybe a little more), Michael started getting really excited about Ryan Bingham's unreleased CD. I listened to it. I LOVE IT. Even Noah loves it. After hearing only one song, he asked to borrow it and he sat on the couch and listened to the whole thing. He has a good ear too. Well - we (LSM) are helping Ryan get the CD pressed and in return we are getting exclusive sales. We would NEVER do this if we didn't absolutely love the CD.

So back to the show. I did miss my favorite song, but almost everything I heard was new to me. No matter what kind of music you listen to, there is probably that one country music song you love. Like for me it is a Willis Alan Ramsey song. I don't want to suggest anything - you know your song. Ryan could be that guy one day - he could write those songs. Also - he rocks. It is the best mesh of country and rock I can think of. It makes me think of perfect orange Play-doh. When Noah gets red and yellow play-doh and mixes it - there are just clumps of red and yellow, but when Emily does it she takes her time squishing it together until she has the perfect orange. This is the same thing. Just think of how good Ryan will be years from now. His sound is unique - not easy to duplicate. The lyrics are deeper than usual, but totally catchy and accessible to anyone. I always seem to enjoy blue collar, workin' man songs. You know - real people songs.

Matthew Smith play drums - he is cool to watch. There is no bass player, but I didn't notice it much, because Matt has the rhythm covered. He kind of has this serious stare that says "challenge me, just try to fuck me up!", he stares Ryan down like he could keep up with anything - which is good because Ryan plays the fastest acoustic guitar I have ever seen. Corby Schaub is the everything else sideman. He mostly plays mandolin, but there is much more to it. These guys are a great match for each other. We are selling the CDs now on LSM. Go listen to the sound files. Sunrise is my favorite, but the whole CD is good. There is not a bad song.

I got to see Ryan play in front of about 30 people tonight. I didn't even take a bathroom break, because I was afraid I would miss something (if you know me well, you are impressed). One day Ryan is going to be someone's Willis Alan Ramsey or Woody Guthrie. Maybe Noah's. If you get the chance to see him play or even just to shake his hand and say "hi" take it. It will be worth your investment.

By Popular Demand

Originally posted on Myspace Tuesday, October 03, 2006 :

OK. I really have to say that this blog is up on a demand basis. A few of you have asked for it and here you go. . .

Grocery Store Etiquette
It seems to me like common sense. I realize that I have been domesticated in a way that some of you from way back find surprising. Even though I may be a little rough around the edges – I have hit my soccer Mom years and I am cool with that. But, I just don't understand why an hour of grocery shopping has to be so damn difficult! I thought I was a domestic queen, but apparently I am a magnet for grocery store drama.

STAY TO THE RIGHT
Traffic moves just like in the street, why is this so confusing to people once they walk inside a store?

PARK OUT OF THE WAY
Do you really need to park your cart in the middle of the aisle (sometimes across the aisle) to look at every package of chips? I know you have been buying the same kind for 4 years. If you have to look at (and touch! what's up with that?) every package then park out of the way. C'MON!

USE THE MANNERS YOUR MAMA TAUGHT YOU
Why are people so damn rude at the store? I do not understand. You got right in my way and just to be polite, I said "excuse me" and you don't even respond at all. Not even a "no problem". Nothing. Usually a few times of this leads to me responding to myself loudly in the middle of the aisle. Something like this (all me talking) "excuse me, sorry." (no response) (me - loudly) "oh, no problem – It was really my fault for standing right in you way and staring at the floor"

MOVE IT
You are standing right in front of what I need. Obviously you are in deep thought about getting your frozen green beans with the shell or not, but it is obvious I need something from right in front of you. Don't you see me hovering behind you?? Please stop ignoring me and move.

STOP TOUCHING EVERYTHING
Why do people have to touch everything? It really grosses me out. Stop it.

NOT SOCIAL HOUR
OK. We know each other and made eye contact so we have to say a quick "hi". I like you well enough, but I probably didn't shower and Michael is at home with all three kids, so this is "Clair Time". I am not feeling social so keep it quick.

THIS IS NOT A BAR
Look, creepy single guy, just because we passed each other four aisles in a row doesn't mean this is destiny.

There is much, much more.




Currently listening: Something Better By Austin Collins

Change is Good

I originally posted this on Myspace Sunday, September 10, 2006 :

Oh my, how things change. No longer are my weekend plans filled with "how many people can I fit into this garage apartment, if I have a party tonight?" (it was a lot by the way) and I don't spend Sunday saying things like "I can't believe someone fell through my ceiling." Nope - way different now. Aside from work time - now I think about how "I can't believe how many people don't know grocery store etiquette" and I catch myself saying things on a Sunday afternoon like "I can't believe how much laundry I did today - I was on fire!"

I had a great weekend and I can just see how lame it would have seemed to me 15 years ago. . .Michael and I had a sweet anniversary date on Thursday and then we had a nice family weekend. We didn't go out and spend a ton of money entertaining them - we just went to SA to run a few errands and Karma took care of the rest. It was cool - everywhere we went presented all these nice family moments.

Tonight we spent a bunch of time discussing 9/11 with them, because we assume it is going to come up quite a bit this week and we wanted them to feel educated. They are smart kids. They were scared and sad about the things that happened, but the good thing is they know that it is normal to feel that way. I love my kiddos. I am lucky to have the family I do.

Enjoy. . .

My Little Freak Show

Lucky Ones

I originally posted this one on Myspace on Sunday, August 13, 2006:

It seems so silly now. I have spent the last couple of weeks saying things like "I am so ready for school to start" or "I am finished having company for the summer". The fact that the summer is our busiest time (and Christmas) makes me feel like I am neglecting work, but there is always more work. No matter what time of year it is. I am also starting a new "project" with a friend of mine (I will fill you in when it is closer to launch) and that is taking up more time. But I just remembered something. . .I am SO Lucky.

The past few days I have been updating my family website with pictures from our summer. Even though it seems like all I do is work - it isn't true. I do work hard, but I don't neglect my kids. I thought it was kind of a pain taking them to work with me this summer, but who gets to do that? I can stop what I am doing to eat lunch on the balcony with them or give them a hug (or send them to timeout). Can you do that at your job? We really can re-arrange our lives to make the kids a priority. That's nice. We get along well with the kids other parents. That is damn lucky. We have family that comes to visit and we get to visit them.

Maybe I am just being sentimental from looking at all these pictures. But, I'm a little sad now that summer is almost over. The visitors will stop trickling in and the kids will be at school all day. But, I can do it again next summer and maybe appreciate it more then. I really need to learn to enjoy every moment - this is my new goal. Kind of like this. . .

Emily, Tessa (my Niece) & Noah in the rain

Currently listening: The Californian By Bob Schneider

What Up?

Everyone else is doing it, so why not me? I have decided that this would be a good place to ramble on endlessly and post some of my zillions of pictures. I'm pretty sure that other than Carra and MWD, no one else will even look at this. However - It will save me from spilling my every thought on facebook and give me something to do besides work (which I constantly feel I should be doing) and harassing my family (which I do plenty). I will probably copy my blogs from myspace over here, because I am going to delete that account soon. Eeeek. OK. Maybe not delete, but maybe quit using. I will do that first, so they will be at the bottom. Rock on.